Defining Moments

Life is full of defining moments, like the moment you are born, when you took your first step, your first day of school, your first crush, the list goes on and on.
There are other defining moments that are just as important only on different scales of the spectrum.
Lately I'm growing, outgrowing, changing and stretching and there are going to be big changes in my life.  I'm seeing things I can do and things I can do without.
I'm learning things about myself I never knew before and I'm so excited to be moving into my future.  God's got big plans for me!
I'm making big decisions about my future, about ministry and about others around me.
I'm a doer, I can't stand on the sidelines watching the world crumble.  I can't get up, work, eat, sleep and do it all over again.  I want more from my life than clicks of friends and those who aren't willing to come along.  I want everything God has promised me and then some.
Rather than be upset with others, I just do more, look for more, ask for more and keep trudging on.
People will disappoint you but God is always there, He's willing and able and at the end of the day He's all you've got.
I can run by myself or I can run with my crew.
I'm so thankful for the crew of people God is putting together for the street ministry.  They are souls on fire, catching others on fire.
I'm so thankful for the amazing things I see and can hardly believe I'm doing.
I'm so thankful.
Last Sunday I stood in front of a church full of people and half those people were mine.  They showed up for me.  I was so proud and so humbled in such a way I can't even explain it.  I stood there vibrating, telling my story, sharing a message and looking at all those beautiful faces, thinking to myself, "God you are so good to me."
It's so important to show up, to be there for one another, to ride or die.  There's nothing I wouldn't do for those people who are in my life, the ones who show up, the ones who want to do more, who want everything God has for them.  I'm blinded with love for the ones who are doing things with me, who celebrate me, who could've stayed at the house, or done something else.
Last Sunday was a defining moment for me.
A door swung wide open for me to walk through.
God is revealing to me pictures of the future and I'm dreaming big dreams, dreams that are so big there's no way for them to come true without God doing what He does.
I never would have guessed I would still be in the streets after all these years.  I never dreamed it would be so important to me.
This life!
Writing, painting, evangelizing, just being me with a supernatural Daddy.
I want more.
I want support and encouragement and influence and to fulfill every purpose God has designed for me.
I want to leave a mark on the world for the kingdom, not for Darlene.
I want people to say, "I never met a Jesus Freak like her."
I try not to but I'm only human and I'm looking around.  I'm seeing ridiculousness in the body, disconnection, lack of participation, people who have been wrongly taught, people who only live their little lives, so many disappointing things, but that's okay, that's them and I'm me and they are truly missing out.
The world is hurting while everyone is at the beach.
The world is hurting while everyone is throwing their stupid pot luck dinners.
The world is hurting while everyone is waiting for someone else to do it.
The world is hurting.
Being grace people, we don't have to do anything, there's nothing to earn, nothing to prove, but damn it what a bunch of lazy people that ideology has raised.  We don't have to do anything but there is so much to do. We're supposed to be laying our lives down for others.
We're supposed to be united in one common goal.
We're supposed to be going into the world to preach the gospel to every living creature great and small.
I'm patiently waiting for God to tell me what's wrong with us, knowing He isn't going to.
I'm one of those people who usually walks around blinded by my love and my purpose.  I'm busy, I've got stuff to do, there are hurting hearts everywhere I go.
It's these glimpses into other people's lives I could do without.
These are the things that try to distract me and throw me off course, not some unseen enemy.
I can't do it all, but I can do what I can do, what's right in front of me.
Defining moments.
No more half way friends.  No more support my stuff but screw you.  No more waiting around on anyone else to come along.  No more of life the way it's been.
I meant it when I said I want more.
I'm setting boundaries, I'm changing gears, I'm going to be spreading my wings and going places, talking to people, trying to grow my influence even more and in all of that seeking help from every source, because it doesn't happen by itself or magically.  No more people who tell me they love me when they see me but the rest of the time I don't exist and what I do doesn't matter.
I know who my people are and they've proven themselves time and time again.  I know who I am and God reminds me every day.
My heart is for a hurting world and more.  My time is better spent pursuing those things my Father sets in my heart to do, rather than trying to recruit unwilling souls.
I'm stepping further into my ministry and it's going to take me places, to do things, not because I have to but because I get to.
It's going to take me to other churches to speak, to share, to connect with new people and hopefully those people are as fired up as I am.  It's going to take places I never dreamed, just like my Daddy always does.
I'm not perfect and never claimed, never will be, but at the end of the day when I meet my Father I want Him to say to me, "Girl you've been so busy, you can rest now."
Defining moments.