There Are Days When I Wonder

Not too long ago Facebook did an update and if you ask me my page has been all messed up ever since.  

There are times when I sit down to post something and wonder who is actually seeing it because I sure did get a lot more response before this update. 

Is it worth it?  Is there anyone out there?  Did anyone see that?

We all have a voice and things we want to say to the rest of the world, but what if we're only talking to ourselves?

There are days when I wonder!

I've changed the time of my videos, simply because it's more convenient for me right now and I don't want to neglect encouraging others.

There are times when I'm totally blown away at the response of others and times when I wonder if they are even out there.

My youngest son has become community minded recently.  He works at UPS and they are planning a 5k walk to benefit breast cancer.  I'm not sure how to help him achieve his goal of people simply showing up, because they are so bad about showing up for everything else.

Don't get me wrong, I know who my folks are and who shows up for me, but how do you get more people to do the same thing?  How do you motivate them to get outside their little lives to do bigger things?

I wish I had the answer to this question, because it's one I've asked a lot over the past year.

My own ministry has slowly began to grow and change and God has sent me people to help.  I am so thankful for them, for their generosity, for the lengths they go to to make total stranger's lives better.  They reach far and wide across two states.

We do what we want to do, we find the money to do what we want to do, but there are times when my heart is completely broken.  Love requires participation.  Love requires showing up and love is an action word.  I can see those who love me, by their presence in my life.

I remember going to the street, just the baby and me, wearing a boot, rain or shine, to do what needed to be done and there have been so many who have said, "I want to go with you some time," who haven't.  I remember feeling alone and disappointed.

Over time I've learned you can't expect anything from anyone, but it doesn't stop me from feeling a certain kind of way at times.  I'm still only human.  I have emotions and feelings and both are usually raw and exposed.

I'm growing, learning new things every day, doing what I do.

God is taking me different places, to different people, enlarging my territory.

He's sending me in my own direction most of the time and those people who I used to be disappointed with would just slow me down at this point.

I know whose in my corner, even though I don't know who all is watching.  I know who is willing to go the extra mile and give away from themselves.  I'm amazed how big my inner circle keeps getting because the world is bigger than the group I attend church with.

My life is not just about me.

I'm living in expectancy rather than expectations.