Pregnant with possibilities

I know life gets hard sometimes. I know the struggle is real but you my friend are pregnant with possibilities.  Everything good and useful has been planted in you by the creator of the universe and He is madly in love with you.

His love chases you into the deepest and darkest corners of your life, to bring you into his marvelous light and love you into wholeness.

I'm changing my mind about challenges.  I'm changing how I see them and or embrace them.  It's my life to live with Him.  He has great things in store for me, I was born with great purpose.

No matter what I go through I am an overcomer.  My Father is with me every single moment of every day.  All His answers are yes and amen and He loves it when I ask for help.  There's nothing He wouldn't do for me!

He died for me!

This period of my life is a pregnancy of possibilities and growing.  I'm going to birth something.  Pregnancy is uncomfortable and ever changing and birth is such a painful process God causes us to forget the pain, so we can bear more.

All of us are going through something, life is happening to us all, but how are you seeing your life?

Is it a life of despair and hopelessness?

No!  It's a life of hope and love and possibilities.

Embrace the change!

Grow, become!

You are going to birth something beautiful!

Be encouraged!

Isaiah 35 4 Tell those who are discouraged, do not be afraid, your God is coming to rescue you!

You are not alone

I made the appointment today.  Why? 

There was a time in my life when I was very mentally ill.

I'm seeing things I clearly remember from then, I'm having trouble controlling my emotions, my depression is way beyond the normal ups and downs of every day life and crying for nearly a week when no one else is around or while working is a clear sign something may or may not be going on.

Better to err on the side of caution.

I've been well for such a long time, I'm so thankful for that.

I remember certain things about that time very clearly, days when I felt like I could do anything and I was so up in the air I made everyone around me nervous.  Then came the depression.  I once spent an entire week on the couch, went to see the psychologist wearing the same clothes I'd had on the week before:  not good.

This was a red flag for me.  

It's not a hygiene issue, it's something else.  I've noticed this lately, the same clothes from the day before.  I've noticed the crying isn't my usual, I've noticed the thoughts.  I don't want to talk about the thoughts I've been having because I don't want anyone to freak out.  Thank God I'm not hearing voices, at this time.

I'm under a great deal of stress with my job.  I have been here four years and it's sad to say, but every single day I feel like I should be packing my stuff and looking for a job.  My boss has a way of making me feel like I'm a total failure and she doesn't respect me and getting fired would land me in the streets.

My brother called me today and I told him I'd made an appointment because I felt like I might be having some issues, he simply said, "shit."  They all remember how bad it was, how out of control I appeared to be, the madness that followed and my going to prison.

I'm not ashamed to talk about it because not talking about it could very well kill me.

I'm not complaining or trying to dump my problems at anyone else's door, but I know there are those out there who think no one understands.  I'm being transparent and putting it there so someone, anyone, can feel like they aren't the only one.

I want others to know so they can reach out, invite me to reach out and to encourage those who feel they are traveling through a world of darkness.  We are in this together right?

It's not the end of the world, I promise.  It's another challenge to make me grow, to stretch me and to use my pain as a platform.

Yes I am that girl.

I will not be defeated.

Your pain can be a prison or a platform.  I've learned sharing it makes it less powerful, causes it to lose it's grip on me and my heart is always geared toward helping others and encouraging the world at large.

If you're struggling with mental illness, you are not alone and you don't have to go it alone.  There are so many resources, places that will work with you on a sliding scale, people who would love for you to reach out to them and even more still willing to lend an ear or good advice.  Don't go it alone!

It's okay to be broken, God uses broken vessels all the time, doesn't stop your light from shining through the cracks.

I have a mental illness, but it doesn't have me.  My brain is broken, but I am whole in Jesus.

Lover's Lane

Today is the day!

This afternoon we're taking it to the streets with beautiful love letters written on poster board.

Signs that say things like "Jesus loves you,", "God's not mad at you,", you know!  Beautiful words of love for those driving by to see.

It's one hour every other Saturday.

It's going to be amazing and anyone can do it anywhere they live!

What if?  All the people I've been talking to, all over the country, did the same thing?

What if?  So many of us did it in so many different places the news would start getting a hold of it!

What if?  We all showed up!

What if?  God made the entire thing go viral!

That would be so awesome!

Too many times you see folks with signs that have no good news.  Signs yelling warnings and telling you you're going to hell if you don't repent.

Who came up with this nonsense?

Who decided the people should be controlled with fearl

What knucklehead rejected the good news to lead people in another direction.

I've seen these signs.

They are horrible, they are an assault to the senses and they lack love in the most extreme ways.

Think about it!  Give a choice, which would you choose?  Turn or burn?  Or Jesus loves you?

I'll take the good news!  Jesus loves me!

All you have to do is google "christians with signs" and there you have it!  It's like a b-rated horror flick of folks claiming to love God but the signs they are sharing with others lack love, kindness and grace.

The gospel is supposed to be attractive, we are supposed to make it attractive with our love.

Evangelist have turned off generations of would be followers with these horrible signs.  Signs spewing condemnation and judgement.

I love the one at gay pride, the guy standing there dressed like Jesus with a sign that reads, "I'm not with these guys."  All around him are these statements of pure hatred, from folks who are supposed to be God's people.

I want to turn the tides on street preaching and so many that have come before us actually turning people away rather than catching them.

Jesus said to follow Him and He would make us fishers of men.

Some people's bait smells bad and should have never been dropped into the water.

You can't scare the hell out of people, you have to love the hell out of them.  Perfect love casts out all fear.

If you would like to participate you can do it anywhere!  You can make your own signs, full of love and hope, of course, pick somewhere to go stand with them and wave and smile at all the traffic going by.

It's easy.

I plan all sorts of things, try pulling huge numbers of people together, believe that every plan I have has the ability to grow to fill stadiums.  That's the eternal hope God has planted in me, expectancy that something wonderful is about to happen, that anything could happen and for sure something is going to happen.

I told my people I'm not scared to stand out there and do it by myself.

Let's be love today.

Let's save lives today.

Let's look like Jesus everywhere we go!

Two o'clock!  Meet me at the fountain in Prattville!

If you're doing it, please take pictures and share them with me, that would be totally awesome.

I love you all so much!

Today is going to be a great day.

Lover's lane!

Pray for me

I haven't been talking about it, but I'm getting up at 4 a.m. to work out and run the dog.

Yesterday I came to a point where I literally wanted to quit my job.

My entire life hangs on the balance of this place, it's where I work, it's where I live.

This morning God was reminding me the things I really love about this place.

Freedom to take my dog out and let him run, a place to walk, a unit for my gym equipment, so many benefits and things to be thankful for, not to mention all the people I've grown to love that store here.

There's so much to be thankful for.

So many blessings to count.

Time to step back, regroup, embrace change and keep moving forward, where ever forward may be.

Pray for me, pray for my boss, pray for every single person who holds positions of authority, pray for humanity.

Be blessed.

I'll call you when I get there mama

This morning was interesting to say the least, every single thing that happened was predestined by God and awesome!!!!!
Sharon comes and picks me up the minute I rolled out of bed.
We jump in her truck and go down the boulevard.
No James.
We go back to the bus station.
No James.
We go back down the block, run into Melvin.
Melvin is the Grand Puba, so he's the information man.  We picked him up to give him a ride to work.
That's when I saw this white man in a big white F150 pull up and  get out of his truck.
Funny how I don't feel like I'm out of place down there but totally thought a white man looked out of place.  Joe goes with us, but Joe is hood, he's one of us.
Melvin told us to wait.
We wait until the guy comes back to his truck and ask him if he's looking for James.
This man had a bus ticket for James!
Jame already has a bus ticket!
When we get back to the Greyhound station, God moved on this guy's behalf and the bus station refunded him his money on a non-refundable ticket.
James comes rolling in with his friend, ready to leave, all smiles.
We made a connection.
Yes, there are other people who go down there.
We totally agree that God began building the most amazing church from 2000 on.
James in on the way to Brooklyn, his bus is scheduled to arrive at 9 in the morning.
He assured us he's coming back, because it's so cold up there.  :)
During our conversation he says something about a praise and worship service somewhere I haven't heard of and of course I've been talking about this with the crew.
God is up to something!
I can hardly wait to find out what it is!
My heart is full.

You see what had happened was

A friend gave me a great suggestion and analogy.  He explained sharing in the groups I belong to and how that could give me an audience of over thirty thousand people being reached at any given time.  There's more than a billion users of Facebook!  I also have twitter, tumblr and instagram.
I know there are hearts of generosity in the world, who want to be inspired, to chase something with passion.  I want to reach those people!  I want to reach way beyond my inner circle, to tell the world about Jesus, how good He's been to me.
I want everything He has for me.
I want it all and to do it all.
It's His power and strength, His glory.
I took his wonderful advice and shared a post in every "christian" group I belong to.
Someone in one of those groups reported me and I can't post to groups until some time this coming Saturday afternoon.
Who does that?
I'm sharing good news and encouragement.
You know they had to tell a lie.
Man oh man.
Second day of posting to groups and someone reports me and gets me in trouble with the administrators?
It's alright.
Bless their heart.
Yes I mean that in the most southern of ways.
My page is already all jacked up with their new algorithm, doesn't even look like the same page, who knows who sees?
We never know who is watching right?
I'm trying to give people good news!  Some of them don't know they are loved!
No one can shut me down!
I've got a calling on my life!
I've got a purpose!
I'm a willing vessel!
My God is greater!
I'm taking it to the streets anyway, have been for a while.  It's a neat tool and everything, but I know how to put boots on the ground and do what really matters.  The good news still goes out.
I'm not going to back bite or say mean things, because it isn't necessary.  My heart is broken over the state of the church.  Brothers and sisters pitted against one another, arguing over scripture, theology, doctrine, who is right, who is wrong, man oh man.  Wake up people!
We all belong to the same family and it's just as disfunctional as the families we come from in the earth!  We're all children of the most high God.  He is madly in love with us!
I for one know how to love people I don't agree with and people no one else wants to love.  I'm pretty sure that's how Jesus rolled and that's how I'm going to keep on rolling.
It's all God.  He doesn't need the internet to send me on His missions.  He doesn't need me preaching to people who already know Him.  He doesn't need me relying on anyone but Him.
That's exactly what I'm going to do too.
I'm going to keep trusting Him, keep chasing after Him, keep praising Him and telling everyone I meet how amazing and awesome He is.  Sharing His love with them.  Looking like Jesus everywhere I go.
If God be for me, who can be against me?
Nobody!
No not one single one!
:)
I am a child of the most high God!
A precious and cherished daughter!
His beautiful warrior!
I've been broken time and time again.
I'm still standing!
Persecution?
Bring it!
I love Him, He loves me, I love you, even though you have forgotten who you are and Whose you are.
I love a lot of hard to love people.
It's not hard, because I am loved so very much.
NOTHING CAN STOP ME I'M ALL THE WAY UP
RIDE OR DIE!!!
WWB!!!

Let's love the dumb out of the church and choose being kind over being right

Like I've said before, I am friends with several academics.

The  definition of academic is 1.of and or relating to education and scholarship.  2. not of practical relevance, of only theoretical interest

Academics are people who are so smart their brains just don't work like everyone else's.

My friend Randy, the man who helped me get out of the streets, is an academic.  He used to be the computer professor at Georgia Tech, his ex wife works for the CDC, their children are immensely intelligent.

He's written me a composition about how the tribe of Israel committed genocide and it was so complicated I had to have a dictionary to look up words to understand what the heck he was talking about.  Yet, I had to walk him through Facebook on the phone, because it was so simple he couldn't figure it out.

Yesterday I watched a video by one of these such people and he was talking about discrepancies in the bible.  The mention of scripture in one place mentioning it being said in another and it appearing no where in said scripture.  One priest's name used when it was actually another priest who held the office as the time those things happened.

These people absolutely amaze me, teach me something new every single day and reveal to me a knowledge of scripture I never had before.  Stuff so deep yet so simple I can't understand why it all hasn't made sense before now.

These friends of mine put up the most stunning thoughts about God, things that really make you step back and challenge every single thing you've ever been taught, because believe me when I tell you it's been taught completely wrong to a lot of people, for a very long time.

Good Lord!

I thought God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit were three separate entities until I was grown, because no one took the time to explain this, they were too busy preaching hell fire and brimstone!

When my friend Lucy explained it to me and helped me to see Him better, my mind was blown!

No one ever taught me that!

No one ever told me Jesus loved me and nothing could separate me from His love.  I was raised in the bad God, good Jesus generation of wrongly taught people.  Turn or burn!  "They're all headed to hell......", "God loves you but......", "Your best is as filthy rags."  

Then came the stupid stuff.

Do you know where you're going if you die tonight?

Did you lead them in the sinner's prayer?

If you'll take one step He'll take two.

Love the sinner, hate the sin.

How could a people hand picked by God from the foundation of the world be so dumb and ignorant?

If you'll sew a seed, you'll reap a harvest.

Give and it shall be given to you, pressed down and running over.

Lies told for so long and so loudly, generations of men carrying the same lies and dumb church sayings?

Why?

Why take something so beautiful and twist it up to control others?

Why lead people to slaughter with judgement and condemnation.

When I was a kid, going to church, growing up in the church, I always felt terrible, wondered if I would ever be good enough to make it, without ever knowing I had believed a lie.

I was a wretch, a filthy sinner, how could God possibly love someone like me?

Jesus sets you free!

Oh but wait, you must be saved.

You must repent of your sins and pick up your cross.

You must die to self daily.

Nero burned christians in his garden as torches.

The christians are the ones carrying the torches now.

No matter how many religions there are, what people think about God, their god, or other people's gods.  There are really only two divisions and isn't it sad there is division in the body?

Those who believe God unto salvation, that its a free gift, it can't be earned and nothing can separate us from His love.  His love is unconditional, it doesn't change with our behavior, whether it be good or bad.

Then there are those who don't believe us.

They are a vehement as hungry snakes.

They attack every new idea they could possibly have with the lies they've been taught since they first heard about Jesus.

They attack those they don't agree with.

You couldn't possibly know Jesus, you need to repent.

All of a sudden this person is making assumptions, throwing out accusations, beating you over the head with scripture and telling you all about yourself from somewhere else in the world, on the other side of a keyboard.  A christian, a brother or sister.  Someone who doesn't know you from Adam!

Damning you to hell because they don't like your ideology .

This madness takes them over and they go nuts with it.  They take it to the extreme.  They begin to twist what you said and making assumptions about it and you.  They have to have the last word about how horrible you are and God couldn't possibly love you.

It's so dumb.

It used to make me mad, still does frustrate me sometimes, but in the end it makes me sad they are so blind and lost and miserable they have to come along and beat up on me for a while.  If they were drowning and I was there to save them, they wouldn't take my hand and just drown, they are that determined to disagree.

I don't block people like I used to, but lately I'm having to put repeat offenders on the list and they won't be coming back off it.  This one guy in particular kept coming after me, again and again and again.

Most of these rooms are think tanks.  The statements being made are for great thought and insight, not controversy.  The people in these rooms are expected to be of a certain intelligence and open mindedness.

God's people have been hard headed and hard hearted from the start, I don't know why it still surprises me today.

We've all been slighted or assaulted by one of these God fearing bible thumping people and half the time even they don't know what they are talking about.

It's a comedy of errors.

I've encountered more of these people in that last year than ever before, mean nasty hateful people who claim they love God.

Really?

Seriously?

Cause I can't tell buddy.

God's really been dealing with me about them and giving me lots of practice being persecuted by them.

I'm getting much better at it.

There are times during the courses of these conversations when I simply say things like "Jesus is amazing!" something contrary to what I really want to say.  

Jesus is the game changer.

His love saves the world.

Jesus loves you.

Lots of times these simple beautiful statements shut them down.

Then there are those who just have to have the last word.

They aren't going to stop no matter what.

Other times I keep moving and say nothing at all.

You can't tell a fool anything.

I know because I used to be one.

There are days when I am so discouraged and frustrated I want to scream and I'm sure my eyes have awesome muscles from rolling them so much.

Those are the times I have to remind myself Jesus loves them too, even in their stupidity.

Love wins.

Love doesn't attack others, or have to be right.

Love doesn't tell someone all about themself and condemn.

Love.

Show them love.

I know they're dumb as a truck load of bricks, but they can't help it, they've been wrongly taught.

They don't have the freedom of heart and mind to understand the mysteries yet.

They've been chained to a mixed message of half truths and rules their entire lives.  They don't know any better.

I know for a fact I've embraced many lies in my life.

When the truth about Jesus' love for me was revealed, no one would ever be able to lie to me again, and expect me to believe them.

I know who I am.  People are always going to talk, some of what they say is true.

At the end of the day, none of this matters, it's Jesus and me.  It's my Daddy, the creator of the universe loving on me, having a relationship with me and all the bibles in the world couldn't even begin to describe what that's like!  That's an experience for me and me alone, being with Him.

I love to learn but how much of it is really necessary?

I love Him.

He's so much more than anyone could ever even find the words for.

He created the universe!  Let's get for real on this one!

Be patient with others, you don't know what their struggles are.

Walk away from disagreements, because no one wins.

Pray for those who curse you.

Love your enemies.

These people aren't supposed to be our enemies, they are supposed to be our brothers and sisters.

Loving people and being a gold digger I know there's some good in there, I just can't see it past their fear.  Fear has two responses either fight or flight, these folks are looking to fight.

They've been beaten down with lies and half truths for so long, they believe all of it and you're crazy if you don't.  They've probably been hurt, a lot.  Hurt people hurt people right?  We always kill that which we don't understand.  There is good in there, Jesus loves them.

It's hard to see that when they are beating and kicking me down, but I can take it, I'm a tough cookie.

When ever you are given the choice to be right or be kind, always choose being kind it's going to get you so much further with absolutely everyone.

Billy Graham just passed and he was what they say he was, but I can't sit through an entire sermon of his without cringing half a million times because it's so evident he believed the lies that were handed down by preacher after preacher.  I can't receive any of the things he's talking about because he was seeing through a lens of distortion.

Do I think he loved Jesus?

Of course I think he loved Jesus.

Do I think his message was one God wanted going out into the nations?

You'll have to ask the Big Guy about that one, it was between them.

One thing is for sure, I've got a better message and so do all the people I'm running with.

I don't care what anyone tells you, nothing can separate you from His love.

At the end of the day it's just you and Him.

You and God and nothing else matters.

His love is not affected by your behavior, He's not a love me or else kind of God.

Rather than arguing begin to pray for these people every time you encounter them.  Begin to bless them to know the truth.

Leave them and let God sort them out.

They are His masterpiece just like you.

Let's love the dumb out of the church.